I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
