toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
