I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
