well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How does one acquire holy water?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
