I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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