I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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