I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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