I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
