I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
