I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
literally had 100 drinks last night.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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