I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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