so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
