Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
