and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
