Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
