watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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