woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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