Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
