about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
