his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
