So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
