if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
