I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
