addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
