im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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