So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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