I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
