if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
be right there i have to get my cape
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
