do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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