My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
