it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
