end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
