either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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