i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize