something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
