i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
