I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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