ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
