wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
