Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it glows. i had to have it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
