I wish they made helmets for livers.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize