so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
