I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
