Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She's the barista slut.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize