Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
