Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you

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(515): View more from Iowa

You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.

(1-515): View more from Iowa

Deal!

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".

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(309): View more from Illinois

I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?

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(616): View more from Michigan

i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them

(1-616): View more from Michigan

its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you

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(410): View more from Maryland

Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.

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(770): View more from Georgia

They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.

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(703): View more from Virginia

She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.

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(712): View more from Iowa

I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”

(563): View more from Iowa

A gentleman AND a scholar

Fav 0 61 7
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