I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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