matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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