She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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