just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
