She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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