$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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