the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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