i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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