omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We got so high we made milksteak
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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