We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
