fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
