I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
