he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
