We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
