Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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