I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
