I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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