I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
