P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
