Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It's rum buckets o'clock
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize