You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
