oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
one might say we're banned from that church
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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