YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
