Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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