if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
