Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
