He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
