R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
