so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
