I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i've created a new STD.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
