pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
