What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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