I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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