Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she told me i tasted like america
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize