new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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