I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
