I accidentally had phone sex last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my being single is dangerous.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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