Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
