So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
