Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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