is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
