i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
