Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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