help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
