I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
