Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
