New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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