You're completely useless in the revolution.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
