I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
