Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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